Disarm the Narcissist

Love is the greatest illusion. In our desperate search for love, we neglected to love ourselves, attracting those equally unable to love themselves—the narcissist. We believed that if someone else loved us, it would make us lovable. But we were always lovable. Until we learn to love ourselves, we will only attract broken and damaged people, because like attracts like. Learn to love yourself, and you will receive the love you truly deserve. It's life's ironic truth.

Why do you attract them? Do you think you have bad taste? Yes, you do. We are always drawn towards what's familiar. Oftentimes, our parents set us up for this. It doesn't matter if you didn't like them or even if you hated them. There's something familiar about the person you keep falling for.

Imagine being in a room full of strangers. If you saw someone who reminded you of someone you knew, you'd be subconsciously drawn to them. It's not that you have bad taste; it's human nature. The first step is to recognize this person in the crowd for who they truly are, rather than who they claim to be.

This is what they feed on: your attention. Think about it. It doesn't really matter if it's positive or negative. Sure, they like it when you adore them, but if you fear them, that's just as good. As long as you're giving them energy and attention, they thrive on it. This comes in the form of emotion. The more emotion you show, the more hooked they become.

They will say anything to provoke you into giving them your love, fear, anger, or sadness. Unfortunately, your happiness doesn't last long, because once they have you, they quickly grow bored. That's when the games begin. If you don't give them your emotions, they will find it elsewhere, and eventually, they will leave on their own. But if you have something they want, you must learn to disarm them.

Do you ask yourself why they treat you the way they do? It’s confusing and doesn’t make sense. You try to figure it out, and that's probably why you're here.

I can tell you why. When they were children, something happened, and they had to cope, just like you. You decided to be helpful to get your needs met. The narcissist did the same but decided they were damaged and unlovable, and believed everyone else was too. They became what they needed to be for each person and situation, thinking no one would help them if they didn’t trick them into it. They can't love you because they decided long ago that love didn't exist. So, they use the illusion of love to get what they want.

That's why they're so defensive and fragile. A narcissist doesn’t love themselves; they loathe themselves and fear abandonment. They are still using the coping skills they learned as children, which is why they react the way they do. They are stunted, still that 7-year-old child inside.

The saddest part is they will always be alone. In the end, everybody will leave them because they create the thing they fear the most. Oh, the irony.

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Undermine, overload,  
Hot as fire, now icy cold.  
Way too much, not enough,  
I'm with you, but all alone.  

Talking fast, moving slow,  
What I see, what I know,  
Doesn't make sense anymore,  
Is it me? Maybe so.  

You say yes, and I say no,  
Take it easy,  take it slow.
It's too late, can't right now,

Grand performance, take a bow.

When you run out of reasons,  
Then it's time to blame me.
But I can't take this treatment
But I can't seem to leave.

Wheels spin, stuck in place,  
My mind's all over the place,  
Looking back, and ahead,  
There's a stranger in my bed.  

Take a breath, just relax,  
While your knife goes in my back,  
No, it's fine, yes, I'm sure,  
I'm not bothered, used, or hurt.  

Stop and stare, whispering,  
While I'm begging at your feet.  

Mundane days, frantic nights,  
You can't look me in the eyes,  
One more time, tell me twice,  
Giving me your alibis.  

You're obsessed, I'm perfect,  
Then how am I a piece of shit?  
Break me down, bit by bit,  
Then you wonder where I went.  

My head is still spinning,  
From the laps you did,  
I didn't see it coming,  
I was all the way in.  

Now I'm running for cover,  
And none of this makes sense,  
Just one explanation,  
You were never my friend.  

Hey, I got a little idea,  
Off the top of my head,  
Now just bear with me a moment,  
I really think this makes sense.  

What if just once you didn't,  
And didn't tell me you did,  
What if you just fucking listened,  
Instead of being defensive.  

We won't ever know 'cause,  
Here you go again.  

Now I'm running for cover,  
And you are at it again,  
Then you say I'm going crazy,  
But I think you're fucking nuts.  

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